


The cuccos and the courser bees

by Usagisama68



Category: Linked Universe - Fandom, The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms
Genre: Crack, Hyrule is precious, It's not his fault he grew up in a cave, Linked Universe (Legend of Zelda), Time tries to be a dad, it backfires, wind and wild make things worse, with variable success
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:08:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23717209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Usagisama68/pseuds/Usagisama68
Summary: Hyrule knew he could seem naive to the others. Some knowledge is gained through family and society, both of which he didn't have in his world. Luckily, the other heroes were always willing to fill in the blanks whenever he asked.But with how everyone was reacting, maybe it was better he didn’t know the answer to this particular question.“The thing that women is holding. Is it a pet? She seems attached to it.”“A-Are you talking about thebaby?”
Comments: 36
Kudos: 511





	The cuccos and the courser bees

**Author's Note:**

> This idea was taken from a headcanon discussed on the LU discord:
> 
> What if Hyrule had never seen a baby before? His world had so few settlements and people that this is an actual possibility. And with no family, who would have told him otherwise? So here's the result of that realisation.
> 
> I'm honestly not sure what it says about me that _this_ is the idea I decide to make my fanfic debut with, but at this point I've already fallen too far down this rabbit hole.
> 
> So please enjoy!

It started out like any other day. The group had arrived in Wild’s world not long ago and by some miracle had managed to land close to a stable. Well, ‘close’ by Wild’s standards, meaning it still took them an entire day to get there.

Time was herding everyone inside when he noticed Hyrule staring at one of the stable staff. She was holding a small baby close to her chest, humming a soft lullaby. It was nothing unusual, but even as everyone started to settle down for the night, the traveller kept throwing quick looks her way.

Twilight caught Time's eye, but the older hero shook his head. He could handle this.

All of them have faced many tragedies in their lives. They had all lost someone they loved and it hadn’t escaped anyone’s attention that Hyrule never spoke about his own mother. They knew he grew up in a cave, but not much else.

Time approached Hyrule, settling next to him in comfortable silence. If there was one thing he’d learnt from being ‘Dad’ to this group of heroes, it was that he couldn’t pressure any of them to talk if they didn’t want to.

With such close proximity, the others would undoubtedly overhear them but were doing their best to give the pair some semblance of privacy. This would probably be quite a personal conversation and the last thing Hyrule needed was seven pairs of eyes watching him.

“Hey Time,” Hyrule said at last, “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course” Time smiled reassuringly at the young hero.

Hyrule pointed towards the mother and child. “What’s that?”

…what?

“I mean,” The traveller continued, “None of you reacted to it, so I assume it’s something I should know? But I’ve never seen one in my Hyrule.”

“I-“ Time wasn’t sure how to answer. By now, the others were starting to give up all pretence of not listening and were staring at pair with varying degrees of shock and bemusement. “What are you pointing to?”

“The thing that women is holding. Is it a pet? She seems attached to it.”

“A-Are you talking about the _baby_?”

“Baby? I’ve heard you guys mention that before.” Hyrule looked like he’d just found the missing piece to a puzzle. “Is that what a baby looks like? What do they do?”

“Well…they don’t really do anything? They’re babies.” Time had no idea what was going on, but found himself sending the rest of the group a desperate look of ‘ _help_ ’.

“Say, ‘Rule,” Surprisingly, it was Legend who took pity on the older man. Or maybe it was his soft spot for Hyrule that had him shift so he was sitting next the pair. “Where do you think people come from?”

“What kind of question is that?” Now it was Hyrule’s turn to look confused. “They grow up from children, right?”

“…and where do you think children come from?”

“The Goddesses? Fairies? How would I know? They must come from somewhere, but there aren’t many kids in my world so I haven’t really asked. What does this have to do with the ‘baby’?”

Legend just stared, not sure whether to laugh or cry.

Then it got worse.

“Yeah, were _do_ babies come from?” Wind chimed in. “I know they come from people ("They what?!") since I remember Mama with Aryll, but how?”

“I’ve been wondering too.” Now it was Twilight’s turn to look horrified as Wild spoke up. “I feel like it was something I knew before I lost my memories? But I can’t remember.”

“Wait, can we backtrack! That’s a _person_?” Hyrule was still wrapping his head around that initial point. “ _How?_ They look so weird.”

Three pairs of expectant eyes turned towards the designated ‘Dad’ of the group, who seemed like he’d rather go back to Termina than deal with this.

“Yeah Time, how _are_ babies made?” Time glared at Legend, who seemed to be purposely rubbing salt into the wound.

“Well…” How does he explain this?! He wasn’t prepared to give this talk for at least another 20 years. “W-when a man and a women love each other very much-“

A snort from his left caused everyone to look at Warriors, who at some point had shoved his face into his pillow in an attempt to muffle his laughter. “ _That’s_ how you start? You really do sound like an old man. I hope Malon is better at this than you or I fear for your future kids.”

Time jumped at this opportunity. "If I'm so bad at this maybe you should give a go, Warriors?”

“I- Well,” It was impressive how quickly the captain’s expression switched from teasing to horrified. His eyes desperately searched the group for another scapegoat. “Twilight! You're close to your village kids, right? You should know how to explain these things.”

Twilight shook his head, sending Warriors a look of pity. “Oh no, don’t get me involved in this.”

“But Wild’s your protégé! Don’t you have a responsibility or something?”

“ _People...”_ Hyrule was still staring at the baby in shock. Legend had placed awkward hand on his shoulder, mouth opening and closing as if he wasn’t sure what to say.

No one noticed the conspiratorial grins shared between Wild and Wind, who by this point were watching the room descend into chaos and adding fuel to the fire. This carried on for a full five minutes. 

(“Does it _have_ to be a man and women?”)

(“I- Well technically yes-“)

(“But one of the couples on my island have children and they’re both woman.”)

(“Well of course they can have children. They just can’t… physically produce them-“)

(“ _Why?”_ )

“Guys...” Sky’s soft voice rang out.. “ _Guys…”_

“Everyone!” The group looked to where Four’s voice broke though the turmoil. He'd somehow managed to keep out of the fray, watching the room with barely concealed amusement. Four pointed to the stable owner, who was openly glaring at the gathered heroes. 

It was only then did they realise their whispers had turned to shouting. The other patrons were shooting them looks varying from confusion to annoyance.

“Maybe we should all go to bed and figure this out in the morning.” Sky smiled and placed hand reassuring hand on Time’s shoulder, who looked like he’d just aged ten years. “Alright?”

He was met with mumbles of agreement and apologies to the owner. Wind took some convincing to let the subject drop, but soon everyone was drifting off.

Well, most of them.

Hyrule lay awake, trying to wrap his mind around the earlier revelations. He knew that he could seem naïve to the others about some things, but his world was just too different from theirs. Towns and settlements were scattered so far apart that he rarely set foot in them. His experience with human interaction was shockingly low compared to the others, but he never really questioned it.

A lot of the things they take for granted were simply things he never considered, as it’s not like knowing where humans come from would help him survive in his world. And who would have explained it to him anyway?

But with how everyone was reacting, maybe it was better he didn’t know the answer to that particular question.

He was broken out of his pondering by the sound of whispers and movement to his left. He heard the rustling of blankets and footsteps creeping across the wooden floor before they left the stable entirely. It wasn’t long before the faint sound of laughter reached his ears.

Curious, Hyrule climbed out of his own bed to investigate.

“-id you see Time’s face? He looked like he was going to have a heart attack!” Wild recounted to nodding Wind, both attempting to stifle their giggles.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen Warriors go that pale before!”

“He looked so terrified.”

“But did they seriously think I didn’t know how babies are made? I was a pirate! I know sea shanties so explicit they’d make even Warriors blush.”

"Right? The Shrine of Resurrection took most of my memories, but not to _that_ extent.” Wild doubled over with the effort to hide his laughter. The teen made to glance back at the group, but caught sight of Hyrule watching them from the stable entrance.

Hyrule flinched at having been caught eavesdropping, but the other two didn’t seem to mind. Wild just grinned and indicated for Hyrule to join them. “I’m impressed, ‘Rule. We’ll make a prankster of you yet.”

“What?” 

“’Is it a pet?’ I nearly died trying not to laugh.”

"How did you manage keep a straight face?"

“Oh no, I wasn’t jo-“

"I wonder how they'll react in the morni-"

“ _Guys!”_ Hyrule finally managed to get their attention. “I wasn’t joking. I really have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Now it was their turn to look shocked. “You were being serious?” Wind asked, disbelieving

Hyrule gave them a sheepish smile, “Yeah, there aren’t many people in my world and I don’t live near any villages, so I never really see anyone. I imagine if any families did have babies, they'd keep them indoors for protection until they were old enough to play outside. My Hyrule can get…pretty brutal.”

Both teens seemed to be at a loss for words, their expressions starting to take on a sadder tone.

“But don’t worry, its fine!” Hyrule made sure to say when it looked like the other two would start apologising. “Because it seems everyone in there is uncomfortable with talking to me about this, but you two appear fine with it.” Their eyes widened as they realised where Hyrule was going with this.

Hyrule leaned forward and shot them a victorious grin. “So…where _do_ babies come from?”

\---

The next morning was surprisingly uneventful. Time had half managed to convince himself it was all just a bad dream. Until he saw Wind and Wild, that is.

Both boys were sitting by a cooking pot, looking like they hadn’t slept at all. The champion was staring blank eyed into the bowl, not paying attention to whatever it was he was cooking.

To his right, Hyrule was getting ready for the day, seemingly unaware of six pairs of eyes following his every move. No one seemed to breathe, each hoping that the traveller had forgotten about the night before.

They managed to make it all the way through breakfast, although Wind and Wild remained suspiciously quiet. Twilight was throwing his protégé concerned glances, but the wild hero simply shook his head in a way that clearly said ‘ _you don’t want to know’._

Hyrule spoke up just as everyone had begun to relax. “You’re all acting like I’m going to turn into a monster and bite your heads off. Don’t worry.” He shot the group a reassuring smile. “Wind and Wild explained everything to me last night. I can see why you were all so reluctant to say anything…”

Time breathed a sigh of relief. A tension seemed to leave the group as it became apparent they had avoided that awkward scenario. The only ones not relieved were the two teens in question. Not that Time could blame them, if he’d had to explain-

Wait a minute. _Wind_ and _Wild_ explained to Hyrule?

The others had apparently come to the same realisation, as they all turned to stare at the culprits in. “Boys…” Time began, tone stern. “Just how exactly did you explain this to Hyrule when you apparently don't know either?”

He was met with twin expressions of panic, before Hyrule interrupted them. "Don't be too upset. They seemed to regret their actions after last night, so I think they've been punished enough." Time was about to reluctantly agree, but Hyrule's next words halted that train of thought. "Although I'm still not sure how the pumpkin fits into this. Wind was insisting it was correct, but it still seems odd..."

"Pumpkin...?" Time shot a suspicious glance towards the culprits. Wild was sporting a sheepish expression while Wind seemed to be looking everywhere but up at him. "Boys, what did you tell him...?"

The two teens remained silent, instead choosing to share a glance and nod. Before anyone could react, the pair turned and sprinted away from the stable as fast as humanely possible.

“ _Boys!"_

Needless to say, Time ended up repeating the full explanation anyway.


End file.
